Saturday, November 18, 2017

Moving On by Carlisse Sanders

     In about three or four weeks I will be a sophomore in college. It has been a very interesting and very informative journey. Not only because of the classes I am taking, but what I never learned in grade school and high school. New ways of talking and new ways of learning. How to deal with my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren a better way than what I have been doing. God give me the strtength to continue on this journey.

Thank all of you for visiting my blog, God bless and keep you strong.

thank

Sunday, October 8, 2017

How to Keep any Relationship Healthy By: Cucan Pemo




With all of the advice out there on how to rebuild your relationship, why not look at tips to keep your already healthy relationship in tact? There are plenty of things that you should avoid in order to make your relationship with your wife or girlfriend from unnecessary miscommunication as well as arguments. In fact, these tips can help you in every relationship that you have - read on.

DON'T be right all the time

There's nothing more frustrating in a relationship than a person who insists that they are always right. No one is right all of the time, and it's time that you realized that. It takes a much stronger person to admit that they were wrong than it is for someone to not admit that they may have made a mistake. Don't be the know it all.

DON'T refuse to apologize

You will have something that you need to apologize for at some point, even if you don't think that it's a big deal. When you allow your partner to hear that you are sorry about something, you allow them to see that you are willing to move past something in order to have a healthier relationship. And even if you don't think that you are wrong, apologizing is a great way to start fixing the situation instead of making it worse.

DON'T know the other person better than they know themselves

If you've ever been in a fight or a discussion when another person has claimed to know what you want, doesn't that feel upsetting? You want to avoid doggedly trying to prove that you know more about the other person than they do - because that just isn't the case. Take the time to consider their feelings and thoughts when they tell them to you. To not let them have a say is to make the conversation one sided.

DON'T assume anything

When you start to assume something, you start to chip away at the truth. IF you want to know about something, the other person is going to have to tell you what you need to know. Assuming that someone feels a certain way or that they want you to do a certain thing is only going to set you up for possible problems. Assuming is really just guessing.

DON'T rub it in

If you do find out that you are right about something, you don't want to constantly rub the fact in long after the discussion is over. Your relationship isn't about someone being right; it's about the two of you being happy. If you're right, you're right, but then you need to move on. Your partner will not appreciate being reminded that they were wrong.

DON'T put your priorities first

While you both want to have your needs and wants addressed, when you try to focus more on your own needs than your partner's needs, you will be seen as selfish and uncaring. A relationship means that you are putting someone else's needs before your own, and in doing so, allowing your needs to be fulfilled as well. Seek out their needs to see how you can compromise to make both of you happy.

DON'T interrupt them

When you're trying to make a point, you might feel that your words are more important than theirs, but this is not helpful. If you are interrupting what someone else is saying all the time, two things happen: one, you're not hearing what they are saying, and two, you are showing that your opinions are more important than theirs. Instead, stop yourself and make a mental note to bring up your point when they are finished.

DON'T make promises you can't keep

You aren't going to be perfect, but when someone is counting on you to help maintain a good relationship; you need to be able to hold up your part of the bargain. This means that you need to be able to make promises that you can keep. And when you do make a promise to someone, they need to be able to expect that you will follow through - every time. If you can't make a promise, then let them know that you will try your hardest, but that you can not promise it. This allows them to have realistic expectations of you.

No relationship is perfect, but there are plenty of ways that you can keep it from becoming unhealthy.
Author Bio

Addictions In Relationships: Addiction to Alcohol By: Cucan Pemo





 There is no relationship that can breed more frustration and unhappiness than a relationship where one of the partners is an alcoholic. Such a relationship will be marked by constant arguments, financial turmoil, emotional blackmail and even physical abuse. It is a relationship where one partner is always at the receiving end, and lives on the hope that the addict will kick the habit one day.

What to expect in such relationships

These relationships can only bring unhappiness. There is bound to be loneliness, despair, and at times rage at what the addict is doing. There will also be constant confrontations. But these confrontations instead of driving the couple apart, often unite them.

This happens because of the helplessness displayed by addicts. The addicts break down at such confrontations pleading helplessness and beg support. They also make promises of moving away from the addiction, and never to hit the bottle again. It is this helplessness that pushes the other partner to provide the necessary emotional support. Unfortunately, this cycle of support-confrontation-support keeps getting vicious and vicious only.

Why can't individuals break out of such cycles

Most would think that there is enough reason for a suffering mate to walk out of such a relationship. But this does not always happen. The partners invariably find a reason to stay on. This may be on account of fear of a future without financial security, an obsessive love for the mate, a fear of public disapproval or the need to keep the family together. 

Sometimes the partners convince themselves that without them the addict will die. They therefore avoid doing anything that may hurt the addict. Some even convince themselves, that they alone can help the addict give up the bottle.

Whatever the reason, the partners convince themselves that they need to stay on, and that everything will be fine one day. The addicts make full use of such prevarication, and indulge in more emotional blackmail, and subtle arm-twisting. 

How to identify if you are such a person

You are in danger of entering into such a relationship if you show the following characteristics:

1. You refuse to end the relationship even though you know that the relationship is bad for you, your career and your personal life.
2. You find reasons for sustaining the relationship even though you know that your logic is convoluted.
3. The thought of breaking the relationship throws you in a state of confusion, even panic, and you cling on, even more strongly, to it.
4. You suffer physical discomfort when you try to move to a place where your mate can't reach you, and you yearn to get back to him.

What should you do to save the relationship

You first need to strengthen yourself. In this quest, you should not allow your morals or principles to weaken your resolve. Be ruthless in dealing with the addict. Treat addiction as a disease that needs to be cured. Don't give in to emotional blackmail because then you will only end up feeding the disease.

Look upon yourself as an equal partner in the relationship. Don't be manipulated into believing that you are the rescuer or a victim of an unfortunate relationship. Let the addict know that you have no desire to become a martyr for his cause. You must make sure that you do not accept the lies offered by the addict. As any psychologist will tell you, addicts are very adept at coming up with explanations that sound very convincing. This is how they delude themselves into continuing with their addiction, and forcing their loved ones into becoming unwitting partners in their addiction game.

You need to find a support group that understands your pains and sorrows, and can also help you overcome them. You will realize that you were blundering in a maze in your effort to salvage the relationship. The support group will show you the path to come out of the emotional maze that your subconscious mind has built, and also give you the strength to take that path.

You should even consider getting professional help. This may sound shocking to you initially because it is not you but your addict mate who needs professional help. But counseling can come in very useful in such a situation. It will give you the necessary emotional and mental strength to tackle the relationship blues.

Don't stumble from crisis to crisis

You must give yourself sufficient time to either salvage the relationship or get out of it. Don't become a slave of the addict because it will only suck you deeper and deeper into a world of unhappiness.

If you realize that you can't change your mate then you must walk out of the relationship, however painful your action may be. You should feel no guilt or remorse because you gave the relationship the best shot possible. 

Now it is time for you to rebuild your life.

Dating After Loss of a Spouse By: elaine williams



 When a relationship ends due to one partner dying, what is the correct time period to begin dating again? Grief is such a funny, unpredictable animal. Many people in years' past think a year is a suitable time to wait before incorporating life changes, and yet for many of us, a year into our loss - we're barely getting started on our grief journey. My experience has been that people and perhaps society as a whole, do not allow enough time or thought to the actual grief process. There is no quick fix or "getting over it" and moving on. We all move through grief in our own ways and means. There is nothing by formula that we can follow or hope to happen. Talking with others who have experienced a similar loss is definitely a plus.

Some days the road is more difficult than others days. At times, you feel enveloped in a mist of uncertainty. Even small decisions can sometimes stretch past your point of coping.

Personal decisions are just that, personal. What is suitable for anyone must be decided individually. Sometimes you have to let go of preconceived notions of the correct way to act and grieve. 

I began dating too early, about a year after my husband passed away. I was incredibly lonely and in a real oxymoron, I was determined to be happy again, at any cost to myself. So, I started dating through online sites and I kept attracting the wrong type of man. Takers, emotionally unavailable, surface daters, serial daters, men who mirrored my own uncertainty about my readiness to date again.

None of these connections turned out to be anything substantial. In a fog of grief, I yearned to find someone to love, and yet I knew these men were wrong for me. They were just a short ride on a ferry to nowhere special. It was brought home to me gradually, through my dating experiences, that I had to value myself more than what I was doing. I couldn't settle with a partner just to have someone in my life. I deserved more. My dates deserved more than someone still traveling through grief. 

In those early days, I was as unavailable as the men I dated. If I had realized this, perhaps I would have run fast in the opposite direction, but in two instances I hung on to a flagging relationship, hoping things would change. Of course they did not.

Gradually, I came to realize that I had to stop setting myself up for disappointment in relationships. How could I attract the right partner, unless I was equally ready for a commitment?

I made the decision to bring my standards up to a new level and part of this process involved not dating for over a year. Only then did I start meeting the quality of man that my higher consciousness demanded. I was no longer wasting my time, or theirs, in surface dating, where both of us knows after one date there is no chemistry or real interest.

We all deserve better for ourselves than settling in a relationship just to alleviate the loneliness. It is difficult being alone when you are used to so much more, but I have chosen to remain so until the right partner comes along. It's a personal decision, and for me, there is no other choice.


Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Changing Your Child's Behavior With Positive Reinforcement By: Destry Maycock, MSW




 Think about your interactions with your children today. How many things did you notice they did wrong? What did you do or say to them because of their wrong doings? Have they engaged in the same kind of behavior before? What did you do or say the times before? Is it working? How many things did you notice your children did right today? If you did take the time to notice, what did you do or say to them? Did you praise or reward them in some way? If so, then read no further and keep up the good work. If you could use a little work on doing this, then read on.
Let's face it. We parents often neglect to notice the positive things our children do. Rather, we tend to focus on our children's negative behaviors, because they either annoy us or otherwise make our lives difficult. Have you ever heard the phrase, "that which gets noticed gets repeated?" If all we ever notice is the negative things our children do, then why would they do anything different? It is as if we program our children to believe "if I'm only noticed when I do something wrong, then so be it."
It is just as important, if not more, to notice our children's positive behaviors. Remember most behaviors are controlled by their consequences. Some may believe rewarding kids for positive behavior is bribery. We all receive rewards daily for doing things well, at work, at home, and at play. These rewards often motivate us to continue the behaviors for which they were received. Where parents use rewards ineffectively is when they give a positive consequence to stop an inappropriate behavior. For example, "I'll give you a cookie if you stop whining." This only encourages the inappropriate behavior. Where as rewarding kids for their positive behaviors is quite the opposite and much more productive.
Using positive reinforcement to strengthen a desired behavior is easy. Just watch and wait for the behavior to occur then reinforce it with praise, a pat on the back or a special privilege. It may go something like this, "David, I really appreciate how you came in the house when I asked and you even did it without a big hassle. You should feel good about being able to do that." How about, "Wow Jamie, your bedroom looks awesome. You must have worked really hard on it. I bet you worked up a healthy appetite. Why don't you decide what we have for lunch today."
Focusing on your children's positive behaviors could be the most productive parenting change you make if you don't already do it. Chances are you have been trained like the rest of us to only call attention to the bad things your kids do. This phenomenon isn't found solely in the parent/child relationship. It is also prevalent in spousal, sibling and employee/employer relationships. When was the last time your boss called you into his office and asked you to shut the door? Was it because he just wanted to tell you what a wonderful job you are doing and how valuable of an employee you are? If so, lucky you. More than likely, it was because he wanted to talk to you about something he thought you could do better or you were doing something wrong. People tend to take positive behavior for granted and punish negative behaviors.
Some parents find it helpful to make a note and put it where they can see it often. The note might read, "notice the positive" or "catch'em doing good." You may also want to consider using a jar of consequences, a parenting tool that parents can use to help them focus on and reinforce the positive behaviors their children exhibit.
Catch your kids being good. It could have a profound affect on the atmosphere in your home. Whatever it takes I assure you it will be worth it.

Worn Out



Working these double shifts is a monster. Me and cuz are worn out.

Work Today?



Do we have to go to work today? I was going to watch my soaps .




My twenty fifth great grandchild











My twenty fifth great grandchild came into the 
world just a few days ago. 
It was a boy. 
Thank you Lord for your Blessing.

Expect and Inspect: How to Protect Your Teen in Three Easy Steps By: Mason Duchatschek






Young, wild, and free ... isn't that what it's supposed to feel like to be a teenager? While it's normal for teens to push and discover their limits, it's also dangerous. Due in large part to the fact that parenting decisions are only as sound as the information on which they're based, more parents are choosing to rely on tools and technology than gut instinct.

Here are three strategies for parents concerned about their children's safety:

1. Install a GPS system in your teen's car.

In the old days, parents would check their cars for new scratches, dents, or overly fast tire wear and ask other parents if they had seen their kids driving recklessly or beyond their geographic limits.

Parents who utilize GPS technology know where their car is, where it has been, and how fast it has been driven. When continued driving privileges are tied to responsible use, safer driving results. More importantly, teens know that their parents have access to this information, which makes them feel safer if they get lost or into trouble. It's like having a parent in the car at all times.

2. Install software for monitoring email and chat room conversations.

Sexual predators target teens in Internet chat rooms. Parents should obviously urge their kids not to give out personal information or agree to meet someone they "met" on the Internet. However, since teens know their online activities are a privilege and can be monitored, they've got a constant reminder. Parents urge teens to resist talking or behaving online any differently than they would if their parents were in the room because, in a way, they are.

3. Initiate a parent - child contract and home drug testing program.

Peer pressure often increases when kids "just say no" to drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. Kids need a "socially acceptable" excuse, and the words "My parents test me" stop pushy peers in their tracks. Parent and Child Contract Software (PACCS), developed by Dr. Michael Reznicek, helps facilitate conversations and establish expectations (including both rewards and consequences) between parents and teens regarding drug use. Home drug testing kits can be administered at home and provide instant results for a fraction of the cost of a lab, without sacrificing accuracy or privacy.

Is Your Family Really Benefiting When You Work at Home? By: Stephanie Foster




You've beaten the obstacles and found a way to work at home, whether by finding a job or starting a home business. But is your work getting in the way of time with your family? It may be time to make sure you are finding balance between working at home and your family.

Let's take a look at some easy things you can do to ensure that you are spending time with your family.

1. Make time for play. Family activities are a great way to relax away from work. It can be as simple as taking a walk or going to the park, or it could be a full day excursion to a museum, amusement part or beach. You don't have to leave the house, of course. You could play games, make cookies or do other fun activities around the house. The point is to simply have fun as a family and have time to talk to each other.
One way to start is to plan a family night. Tell everyone they have to be home on a particular evening each week and do things as a family. Even if you just rent a movie to watch together, it's something you're doing together.
If you're married, make sure you plan a regular date night with your spouse. Frequency may depend on how old your children are and how often you can get babysitting, but it is important for your marriage to have time as a couple.
You don't have to spend a lot of money to have fun with your family. Just make time for fun.
2. Be there for your children's activities. If your children are involved in sports, acting, singing or other activities, make sure you are there for all the games, performances or other important events. It will help your children to know that they are very important to you.
3. Set rules and enforce them. If your children understand when they can interrupt your work you will be able to get more done in less time, giving you more time for your family.
Of course, you need to be consistent. If kids get away with breaking the rules some of the time, they will test the rules often. Consistency will save you time in the long run, even if you aren't sure you want to spare the time at a particular moment.
4. Pay attention to what kind of attention each child needs. Every child is different. Some demand attention while others are so quiet it's easy to forget that they need you too. Make sure you spend time with each child as an individual.
5. When the kids come home from school, take some time to talk about their day. They will appreciate your interest. You should also make sure they understand their homework and start it at whatever time they do best at finishing it. Some do best starting homework immediately on getting home, while others do better if they can play for a while first. Be aware of your child's needs.
6. If your work is something the children can help with, let them be involved. If not, you can still at least talk to them about what you do. This sets a good example for your children by helping them to know what working is really about.

It's easy to get buried in the needs of your work when you work at home. A little bit of planning can go a long way toward making working at home a wonderful experience for all. Your family is why you decided to work at home, so don't let your time with them get put aside.

LORD, TAKE US BEYOND THE VAIL by Lewis E. Thomas







LORD TAKE US BEYOND THE VAIL
 
Lord, I'm tired of the same ole same when it comes to you!
Lord, "Take me beyond the Vail and show me wonders new!"
 
Take me into the "HOLY OF HOLIES" and shower me with your Grace!
Lord, take me beyond the Vail and let me look upon your face! 
 
Lord, give me a "hunger for you" that can never be satisfied!
I want to "know more" about you and The Crucified!
 
Multitudes sit in your House come every Sunday morn!
And to worship you was the reason that they were born!
 
You did not make us to be "content" with where we spiritually are today! 
You want us to "pursue you" and seek after more of you "every" day!
 
Your Church today has "lost its power" to influence and change the world!
There is no hunger in our hearts for you because "we hunger for the world"!
 
We watch our Country and the world going spiritually down the drain!
Your Church has failed you Lord, and "SHE" is the one to blame!
 
Revive us again Lord, and "take your Church beyond the Vail"!
Turn HER around and put the The Holy Spirit wind back into HER sails!
 
Let HER become mighty again on the World's troubled Sea!
Let HER once again cause the lost to repent and humbly bow the knee!
 
Lord, take us beyond the Vail that we might clearly see!
Lord, give us a heart that daily hungers for and pursues after thee!
 
 
 
Lewis E. Thomas

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Farewell, Brother-In-Law, Until We meet Again



I walk the path of sorrow, with fresh tears in my eyes,
And loss is here beside me every night.
Yet I know that your love endures, with resurrection life
And heaven is so close, your hope shines bright.

And so I bury deep within your Father hearted love,
I let you lead my gaze up to the sky.
I drink the fountain of the dawn to fill my troubled mind,
And watch the birds lift their wings to fly.

I do not walk this path alone but close to you each day.
And as I sleep I keep your hand in mine.
And trust that you can lead me through, each dark and lonely night
'Till heaven calls me home to love divine  


  

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Happy Birthday To Me At 67!!!

     Well, God has abled me to reach the age of 67. Thank you Lord!!! I have survived my grandparents, my parents and two sons, one who died at the age of five months from pneumococcal meningitis, and one who died at the age of 48 from hepatitis B and a husband who died of bone and lung cancer. I still have three grown daughters, seventeen grandchildren, twenty-four great grandchildren and one great grandbaby due next month. All in all I have been blessed. I passed my GED test and graduated in June with my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren yelling, "Go Grandma, Go Grandma." That's a day I will always remember. I start in college next week to earn a Bachelor's Degree in Early Childhood Education. That is a four-year course. Wish me luck!!!!